Getting married is a big deal. I mean a really BIG deal. For me it wasn't the fact that I was promising myself to another person for the rest of my life, it was the parents, and the planning, and the parents. Yes, I said that twice. I thought planning my wedding was going to be fun, a breeze, easy as pie. Instead, I felt like each idea I came up with was shot down or not good enough. I cried. A lot. Like a lot a lot. People's feelings were getting hurt, tensions were rising, resentment being built. We were always one straw away from breaking the camel's back. It was one of the worst experiences of my life. I think the problem was that everyone has such different expectation for this event, making it impossible to please anyone. And anyone who knows me well knows that I am a people pleaser. As my boss told me, "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one." Well said.
About eight months into our engagment and knee deep in planning, I freaked out. Was I making the right decision? What if I wanted to be single for awhile longer? What if I wanted to pick up and move to Florida? Oh no, oh no, oh no. I decided to go to counseling. I went a few times by myself and once with Alex. I was surprised about how much Alex opened up during our session, as he is normally not so communicative at home. I expressed why I was so stressed and tried to make him understand how difficult it was to plan this wedding without his help. I like to get things done right away whereas he procrastinates, so it made it difficult to be on the same page with our needs and wants. Although he did step up to the plate a bit, I still made the majority of the decisions. During my counseling sessions, I learned a lot about myself and need to please people, especially my mother. I think because of this time of self-reflection and growth, I learned not only that I did in fact want to get married, but also how to avoid letting my life and feelings be controlled by others.
When the day finally arrived, it was like a dream. That morning I watched The Goonies, and by the end of the day I was sleeping in the Brown Palace Hotel a married woman. When all was said and done, everything was beautiful and I think everyone involved was pleased with the result. We went on our honeymoon to Mexico the following week, and I have never felt more relieved. I thought I would get pretty depressed because all that planning was over in one day, but I really didn't feel that way at all. I was too happy that it was all over with to be sad about the past. Planning a wedding sucks, but I am happy with my decision and can't imagine marrying anyone else.
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